Failure to Communicate – Part 1

I often find that men and women tend to make mistakes in relating to each other that relate to their hard-wiring.  It probably sounds about as obvious as saying that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus!  Maybe, though, the obvious needs to be pointed out due to the constancy of communication problems that threaten relationships.

Many men unfortunately fail to appreciate that a woman is typically motivated by a need for security to a much greater degree than a man is.  That doesn’t mean women are inherently insecure but, in relationships, there is a need for men to be especially conscious of safeguarding and prioritising a woman when debating, arguing or even just talking.

Men are wired to desire control of their environment and, although women are not immune from this need, it becomes a driver in men (some more than others) whereby they want to know that their employment, their finance, their kids, their marriage and every other component of life is working well.  Therefore, men can find themselves being drawn into passionate discussion or debate to ‘fix’ something without realising that they are simultaneously ‘breaking’ something else if they don’t engage correctly.

Taking time to talk in a relaxed manner, with eye contact, hand-holding, verbal affirmation and other non-sexual touch sets a mood in which a woman is valued and respected, knowing that the man in her life regards her above the issue in focus.  The right choice of language can explore an issue without making definitive assertions and can calmly note feelings with objectivity.

Finally, before writing this off as sexist, it is important to remind ourselves that men and women are not just biologically different but hormonally and functionally, too.  This helps us to work through the differences and then to appreciate them.