We have been looking at tips to a happy marriage from Proverbs 5:15-23 and the importance of ‘Purpose’, ‘Privacy’ and ‘Priority’ over the last few days. A fourth key is found in verse 20 which asks why a man should be intoxicated with a forbidden woman. It goes on to remind us that the eyes of the Lord are on us. This speaks of the need for Purity in a marriage.
Of course a key area of focus here is the problem of pornography which has been discussed in previous posts. The need to maintain purity in our minds and in our practices is so important because of how destructive pornography is to a marriage. (Any women keen for their husbands to use it?)! Pornography undermines the security that a woman should be able to find in the marriage relationship and any man looking at pornography and justifying it because of his wife’s inattention to his sexual needs should surely appreciate that infidelity is a choice. The key is for better communication and getting help, as discussed yesterday.
Secrecy and shame rob many couples of the fulfilment they should be able to find in each other. Of course, some women also use pornography, but they are still a minority and this is undoubtedly because of the difference in male brain wiring. Us guys need to admit that we are made for visual stimulation so as to be romantic pursuers of our wives, to then make a covenant with our eyes not to be lustful (as advised in Job 31:1), and to then re-train our brains to look away. Even masturbation is generally accompanied by lustful thinking and can become a cheap (even if understandable) sexual outlet that not only robs a marriage of the need for a husband and wife to satisfy each other, but can, like pornography use, affect sexual performance and satisfaction later.
Finally, Proverbs 5:21 reminds us that, for a Christian, there should be a healthy fear (reverence) of God to condition our behaviour. This may seem easier said than done, but is stands to reason logically that if God made us and if He made sex, that He gets to say something about how it works best. It also follows that it we say that we are submitted to Him that we would want to obey His directives and seek God’s enabling power to help us when our own strength is failing (the whole of Philippians 4 is instructional here). Again, if ‘Purity’ is an area of weakness, then there is an urgent need to get help and accountability to avoid further destruction. You will, of course, ultimately be found out and more damage will be done.
(To book a live seminar for married couples using this material, contact me via firstname.lastname@example.org).