As a former Chemistry teacher, I find this stereotyping of men and women mildly amusing, but stereotyping it is (just don’t forward to my wife)!

Element: Man

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: +/- 85

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape. Can be dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as newer samples.

Chemical Properties: Capable of bonding strongly with Wo. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Atomic Weight: 55 (more or less, usually more)

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Surface usually covered with a painted film. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. May explode spontaneously without warning. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Ages rapidly.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Excellent cleaning agent. Can be a great aid in relaxation. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Tests: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in the natural state; Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands; illegal to possess more than one, although several are sometimes maintained at different locations whilst ensuring the specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

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